It's so Awesome.

Oh, the things I find online. Oh, how wonderful and mysterious! Oh, how... nauseating at times!

So I think by now we've all seen some of the more ridiculous Obama related cashing-in-on-a-new-president-merch stuff such as The Coin, The Plate, The Water Bottle, and of course The Dildo.
Although I find the dildo the only one to have an actual purpose, let me just say one thing about all this merchandise. Most of these are just to rip you off (the coin, plate... to a point, the dildo), and all of them go towards other people not related to the DNC/Obama's campaign (except for the water bottle).

However, I have found something far better than ANY of the above (because, seriously, why get an Obama dildo, there are FAR better sex toys out there). Something that's so much more artistic than adapting a face to be put on a dildo or plate. Something far more imaginative than any of these.

My fellow Americans (and international readers); allow me to present to you, my latest find.
I bring you....


The Obama Action Figure™!

I do not know the specifics, as I cannot read Japanese. But I assure you there is nothing quite like the pictures you're about to see.

Click any picture to see the full size, meanwhile I'll post captions of what I think each picture is saying about The Obama Action Figure™!

The Obama Action Figure™ comes with Bad-Ass American Flag * the symbol of Pride* with Pointy spike of Justice and base of TRUTH, a stool for giving presidential Addresses, TWO different color ties to show support for the RED and BLUE states, rope of Hope (it's gold, therefore made of HOPE), Microphone for ENHANCING ACOUSTICS, and MANY DIFFERENT HANDS!!!!

Looking better than your sister's Ken Doll in a suit and tie, The President Obama Action Figure™ will help YOU protect your country from The Forces of EVIL!


President Obama's™ shoes are Faux leather for the Vegan Crowd, but also Strong enough to kick some Corperate ASS!

President Obama™ takes all issues seriously. This is a Serious Obama™, this is serious face.


USA©! USA©! USA©! USA©! USA©!!!


After a hard day fighting for truth and justice and regulation, Obama™ needs to relax and take it east by striking an awesome pose.


Sometimes President Obama™ needs to have fun with his microphone and cut loose with some karoke; just be careful, because if it's country music you make him sing....


you'll need the secret service to protect YOU from President Obama™!


President Obama™ doesn't need the Army! He's can be all he can be without the Army!


President Obama™ is well aware of the danger the Zombie horde presents; He always has his Primary Weapon...


and his secondary!


"Only a master of evil, Cheney."
Not even The Dark Side of the Force can tempt Obama-Wan Baraki™.


Thank you Cleveland! You're a Wonderful Audience! Good Night!

Top whatevers of 2008

We'll keep the formalities at a minimum and jump into my biased opinions.

Formality: Happy 2009. Hope your 2008 was decent.

Biased Opinions:

Top 7 Albums of 2008.

7. Coldplay - Viva la Vida
Not immediately recognized by me as being a decent album, but it grew on me, and I thought the universal themes of love, life and death have been done... well, to death. But it's a nice easily digestible album.

6. Nine Inch Nails - The Slip
With Teeth meets Year Zero, to a point. It has the rock-band-esque styling of 2005's With Teeth and some of the glitchy stuff of 2007's Year Zero. And it was released for free. Free. With over a million downloads from nin.com. If you'd still like to give a bit of cash to Trent Reznor and company, it's available on amazon.com, iTunes or as a physical CD/DVD combo.

5. Jack Johnson - Sleep Through the Static
Not a major departure for those familiar with Jack Johnson, but I do feel that the addition of other instruments and adding a little bit of distortion on some of his guitarwork makes this album more accessible than his previous.

4. Ladytron - Velocifero
Now im not sure if this is going to replace Witching Hour as my favourite Ladytron album, but this feels much more fleshed out and I think the production done by Alessandro Cortini aided in this album feel compared to Witching Hour.

3. Does It Offend You, Yeah? - You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into
Influences of Daft Punk aside, this is just a fun album. Sure, it's just a combination of a lot of electronica mixed with some of the best rock elements with a splash of indie in there as well, but it does it well.

2. Modwheelmood - Pearls to Pigs Vols. 2-3
Add volume 1 to the other volumes and you have a full album. Just download it off of iTunes or Amazon (use amazon, DRM MP3's). It's a little eclectic, and at times inaccessible, but it's some of the best electronica I have ever listened to.

1. Amanda Palmer - Who Killed Amanda Palmer?
Produced by Ben Folds, this is by far, the best album of the year. Moody piano pieces such as "Strength Through Music", fun rocking songs like "Leeds United", songs that were once part of the Dolls live catalogue "Ampersand". Oh and although a song about date rape, abortion, pregnancy tests, having rumors being spread of being a crackwhore, going to a concert with someone you kinda hate, "Oasis" is a fucking catchy and fun song to sing along to. All in all, my favourite album of 2008.

Amanda Palmer "Oasis" Music Video from Amanda Palmer on Vimeo.

You can check out samples of songs on the respective myspaces.

Top 6 Movies of 2008 (up to October) that are worth the $8.50 to get in or the $20 DVD.

6. Teeth
When I first heard about this film, I thought it was a documentary; but upon viewing, it is one of the best indipendant releases of 2008. Vagina Dentata. Horror(ish), amusing(for sure) and an interesting 'coming of age' film.

5. Funny Games
A remake of a 1997 film, actually. A upper/upper-middle class family is assaulted by very polite and proper psychopaths. Excellent use of breaking the fourth wall, the American fascination of bad things happening to good people, and in general fucking with your head, a little bit.

4. Forgetting Sarah Marshell
Touted as a romantic comedy, but it was far from it. Yes, it has romantic and sappy elements. But it also has a lot of funny stuff. And lots of nudity. Mila Kunis' boobs, and Jason Segel's... well... everything. Ass, Crotch, face... and I'm not sure what's worse. It was basically a Judd Apatow-esque film with little splashes of romance in it. And it worked.

3. Wall-E
And on the other end of the spectrum from Sarah Marshell is the very family friendly film Wall-E from Disney/Pixar. The first human dialogue spoken by character that does not sound like beeps and boops is almost 40 mins into the film. Spectacular visual eff

2. The Dark Knight/Iron Man
Dark Knight: Pros: Casting/Acting/Story. Con: "Batman Voice"

Iron Man: Pros: Casting/Humor/Acting/Story. Con: Sam Jackson cocktease after the Credits.

1. Choke.
Although not a direct adaptation, it's fairly faithful to Chuck Palahniuk's book. Victor was cast perfectly as Sam Rockwell. Everyone else was done well. It is a very witty film, not the gut busting Seth Rogan/Judd Apatow humor, but it had me quietly laughing the whole time. But it does have moments of drama and moments that made me... uncomfortable. A very great film.

Top 5 Rifftrax of 2008.

5. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
"I will eat your imortal soul"

4. Jurassic Park
"Be werry werry qwiet, I'm hwunting waptors, huhuhuhuh."

3. Saw
"Shoot him."
"He won't move if you shoot him in the head."
"Nobody listens to me."

2. Spider Man 3
"Giant Anthropomorphic Sand Thief wouldn't make the headlines, of course."

1. Lion King (That Guy With The Glasses)
"Hey, maybe dad is next to that rotting corpse!"

Top 4 things that made me laugh unintentionally in 2008.

4. Pencil Tricks

3. SNL (NSFW/YouTubes)

2. Scientology v. Anonymous

1. Sarah Palin

Top 3 Things that did not live up to the hype.

3. Guns N Roses - Chinese Democracy
16 years, and I get a shitty record and a free can of Dr Pepper. Go reunite with Slash, then we'll talk, Axl.

2. Ron Paul
The most conservative legislator since 1937 leading a revolution? Give me a break

1. Cloverfield
An ARG to promote a JJ Abrhams project, my GOSH that has NEVER been done before! And it was having us guessing on WTF took off the Statue of Liberty for months ahead of time.

Top 2 People who might have changed the world in 2008

2. The 131,237,603 who let their voices be heard in the 2008 election process.

1. The United States Presidential Candidates

Top Concert You Shouldn't Have Missed.
Nine Inch Nails: Lights In The Sky

Political Rant Ahead.

Recently over a friend's house I was having a grand old time untill someone mentioned President-Elect Barack Obama was going to teach kindergarteners sex education in schools. This was coming from an 18 year-old expectant mother who couldn't shut up about her preggers belly. I shook my head, and said "That isn't what he said. " I got a condescending smirk as she was walking out the door.

Yesterday, my wonderful possible future father-in-law informed me that the United States Supreme Court will now be debating to hear a suit brought against our President Elect for not being born in the US or not having Legal Citizen status.

Today, I got an earfull from some of Jen's coworkers on how Obama is a horrible person because he's a smoker.

I am incredibly sick and tired of hearing these rumors of Obama persist. Obama is a legal US citizen. If a person is born on US soil, he is a citizen. He wasn't born in Kenya, yes his father was a citizen of the UK and Kenya, his mother was from Kansas, he was born in Hawaii. Which incase you haven't noticed, is a state.

'It's the wallet that says 'Bad MotherFucker'

Oh and evidently is a horrible thing to have a president who smokes. This if you ask me, is much better than having an administration who lied to get 4,306 (confirmed dead, there are 3 more who have not been confirmed by our DoD) of our country's people killed in a war we caused. This administration is also responsible for removing habeas corpus if one is labeled a 'Terrorist,' and may not 'torture' you, but may 'redefine what torture is'.

Lets put this into perspective.

Smoking, while unpleasant and kinda gross, endangers mostly endangers the person smoking, and if exposed to chronic consistent tobacco smoke, others around him.

Then we have war profiteering, murder, torture, erosion of civil liberties, suspension of habeas corpus, leaking a name of an undercover agent from the CIA, conducting a war of aggression, disregarding the UN, disregarding various rules of the Geneva Convention.

Look, I am not asking you to love Barack Obama. I don't care what you think about the man, in terms of policy or his private life. I do care that people are spreading lies, untruths and generally being narrow minded because he is young, black and our President Elect.

FactCheck.org a non partisan website, to figure out what is true and what is false. There is enough bullshit out there in the world. So do a favor and stop spewing it. I'm sick and tired of having to correct people. You have an opinion; fine. You want to be ignorant of the facts, spew information that you know is false; go join our mass media. But if you want to engage me in political or social debate, or make mention of something you only heard, and have not actively looked up if it is true or not, you need to shut the hell up, listen to people who HAVE done research, and educate yourself.

You have a brain, use it.